An Ode to Short Engagements.

So short and sweet

these months will be

leading up to the day of our union.

So short and sweet 

so wish me luck

to keep it short

wedding planning sucks. 

Okay planning doesn't completely suck, it's actually a lot of fun but it's definitely not always fun. Patrick and I are getting married in 108 days. 108 DAYS! It's very exciting because I seriously can't wait to start a life with Patrick. Patrick will be my forever Partner in Adventure and what an adventure life with him is but again, planning is fun but not every aspect of this new stage of life is fun. 

I've heard people say that marriage doesn't solve the problems that you have in your relationship but rather it puts a magnifying glass to them. I think it's safe to say that short engagements, or maybe engagements in general, do the same thing. In the last three weeks Patrick and I have bickered about the silliest things. Things that we'd normally let slide or give each other grace for, in the last few weeks, have caused some friction and tension in our relationship. 

When I imagined what it would be like getting engaged and planning a wedding I imagined that it would be months and months of happiness and just a hint of stress. What was I thinking? Where did I get that notion from? I'm not sure but the truth is that there's a lot to think about and if you go in to it unprepared (like I did) you will definitely find yourself getting stressed and arguing with Bae. 

So if I may, I'd like to pass on some of the many wonderful tips that I've gotten from friends and blogs and that I've learned along the way. Tips that I think are really helpful. Hopefully these leave you feeling motivated, inspired and encouraged in your planning process.

Tip number 1. - Don't plan right away. My dear friend Dannah texted me when Patrick and I first got engaged and suggested that we take some time to just enjoy being engaged and I'm so glad we took her advice. The first week we didn't plan anything. Instead we spent all of our time enjoying each others company. The day after we got engaged I got so many text messages from family and friends all wanting to start planning and it was really nice to just pause it all and ask them to get back to me in a week.

Out of our almost month of being engaged the first week was one of my favorite parts so far. We told our engagement story over and over and we got to relish in the moment and we didn't spend any time thinking about all the things that needed to get done. I'm so grateful to Dannah for dropping that seed in my ear. Taking the first week off helped me to catch my breath before diving in to the crazy whirlwind that is planning a wedding in less than four months. 

Tip number - 2. Decide what IS and what is NOT worth fretting over. Before Patrick and I even got engaged we talked about the top three to four things, in regards to our wedding day, that we were going to be particular about and the things that we were just going to let go. Out of all of the aspects of our wedding as long as these three to four things went really well and were planned out, we could essentially live with anything else. Our list included making sure that I had the perfect dress, that our pictures were amazing and that all of our closest family and friends could be there. 

Now that we're deep in to this planning thing, I refer back to our list almost daily. When I find myself stressing over our menu or whether or not we're going to have an open bar, I think about our list. When I'm stressing about what the groomsmen are going to wear, if the greenery we like is in season and if we'll be able to have long (compared to round) tables at our reception, I check the list. If it's not on the list, it's not worth the stress. So I strongly encourage you to make a list, stick to the list and take a chill pill about the rest. 

Tip number -3. Don't forget that it's YOUR wedding! Okay, so this one is a bit tricky, especially if you're like me and you're kind of a people person and you want all participating parties to be happy. Everyone has a picture and an idea in their head of what they think a wedding should look like.  They picture the dresses and the suits and the decor and that's their idea of the perfect wedding day and anything outside of that scope seems out of place to them. 

The vision that you have for your wedding, your special day, may be something that people have a hard time grasping. They might say that it's not traditional enough and that it needs more of this and less of that. If you find yourself in a space like that, know that your vision and your desires are okay. Actually they're more than okay, they're perfect. It is YOUR wedding day. I have to give myself this advice all the time. There are so many amazing people helping me to plan and I often find myself hearing their suggestions and feeling bad if I don't like them.  But as my bridesmaid Veronika says "This is maybe the only time in your life that the two of you can be 100% selfish and it's considered okay. So be selfish." 

So whatever your perfect is, stick to it, regardless of what people say because at the end of the day it's your wedding, so be selfish girlfriend! 

And lastly, I don't know if I can call this a tip but rather advice. It's very easy to feel like you've 'arrived' if you will, once you get engaged. Seemingly out of nowhere you're getting a ton of attention from so many people and it can feel like you're all of a sudden important. At least that's how I've felt at times in these last few weeks. I've been overwhelmed, in a good way, by all of the attention that we've been showered with. It's enough to make one think that they've never been more relevant than they are at this very moment. 

Engagements are beautiful and I believe they can be very Godly but they are NOT an indication of value or worth. God does not love me any more now than he did before. He doesn't notice me more, or think about me more. God's love for me has never and will never change. That's a truth that I was reminded of this morning during my devotional time. The attention is great, being engaged to Patrick is amazing but if it all went away tomorrow, God's unchanging love for me would remain and that's what is most important. 

Until next time friends! 

Xoxo - Nico

"My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly trust in Jesus' name." 

"

Sweet potatoes and not so sweet labels.

My Labor day weekend came to an abrupt halt on Monday afternoon, when I took a trip to the grocery store on what seemed like the busiest day ever. As Patrick and I maneuvered through busy families, a sea of carts and annoyed expressions we decided to part ways to be more effective. 

Mind you, we were just doing my grocery shopping so bless his heart for braving the storm with me. My portion of the list included Sweet Potatoes and when I got to that section of the store I realized that things were a bit off.

The section was labeled with cute wood signs and words written in chalk. The signs hung from metal bars and swung a bit every time a busy shopper hustled by. My confusion didn't come from the whimsical art but rather from the fact that they hung over the wrong vegetables. The yams were under the 'White potatoes' sign, the Sweet potatoes rested under the 'Yams' and the White potatoes under the 'Sweet potatoes' sign. 

I looked at the signs and then at the potatoes and then back again for probably a solid 30 seconds. Even though I knew that the Sweet potatoes were in the wrong spot, the fact that they were labeled 'Yams' made me think that I was wrong. I was just about to ask a sales clerk for clarification when I decided to trust my knowledge and just pick the darn Sweet Potato.

This silly mix up in that busy grocery store got me thinking about labels. I think that the world often puts labels on us. Labels that want to tell us who we are and where we belong. Labels that distort and confuse the way that we see and understand ourselves and our worth. 

Labels that push against the truth of our identity and the person that God has created us to be. 

I remember seasons in my life where I tried so hard to be someone else. I wanted to stand out in a way that made me fit in. I wanted to be liked and to be popular and to have a boyfriend and attention and everything that I felt like everyone else had. I gladly accepted every label and identity that was pushed on me because I didn't know the power and confidence that came from having the courage to be myself. 

If I had more time on Monday I would have taken the time to rearrange that section of the store, just like so many years ago, when I took the time to rearrange myself. 

If you're feeling like you're hiding behind the not so sweet labels of this sometimes harsh world; I hope that today you take some time for yourself. Time to pull down the signs, wipe away the chalk of misrepresentation and lies and in a world trying to make you into a Yam, dare to be a Sweet Potato. 

"At least I got a man."

When I was a teenager I remember being at church and there was a girl there teasing me. I can't even remember exactly what she was making fun of me for but I remember at the end she said "You might be smarter than me but at least I got a man."

As soon as she said that everyone around us started laughing and saying things like "that's true," and other stupid comments. I walked away from her feeling like I had just been hardcore shamed, like my intelligence was something but nothing compared to the fact that this girl had a 'man.'

The other day I had a deja vu moment with one of my friends, a moment that took me back to being a shamed kid at church. This person is someone that I consider to be extremely intelligent, successful and on their way to even bigger success.We were texting about our lives and things that we're doing currently and at one point she said "Well you're still doing better than me because you have a man now."

When I read her message I was dumbfounded. I sat there just reading the message over and over again and I couldn't help but to laugh. Why is it that being in a relationship determines how well someone is doing?  I sat there thinking about her, someone that I look up to so much and felt so sad that she thinks that I'm in anyway doing better than she is simply because I'm dating someone and she's not.

For the last five months or so I've talked a lot about my relationship, it's really hard not to. Patrick is my first boyfriend and we spend a lot of time together. Patrick is an amazing human and friend and I just want to tell everyone about him. Being with him has added even more joy to my life than was there before, he's an answer to prayer.

Let me say this though if for some reason, God forbid, Patrick and I broke up my worth on this earth wouldn't change.

As an educator that works a lot with teenage girls, this is an issue that is very close to my heart. I see girls everyday, ones that are running from relationship to relationship trying to find worth and meaning in this world. They're reaching for dirty hands and unattainable hearts hoping to find belonging and acceptance through their relationship status and I know how it feels.

Even though I grew up with a present and loving father and amazing brothers, when I went to college and got a taste of the rat race of false love I was addicted to the attention. It's only by God's grace that I didn't end up sleeping with some no good man and really changing the trajectory of my life.

I'm saying all of this to say, that I am so proud to be a woman. I am proud to be made in the image of Christ and to be a portrait of his creativity and goodness and my identity and my worth is firmly rooted in that. I'm proud of the places I've been, the stories I've walked through and also the many lives that I've been able to impact through work.

If Patrick and I get married then I think part of my identity will change. Being married will require so much more commitment from us than just being in a relationship and with a name change, moving in together and the merging of families we'll become one. Even when that happens, the greatest and most enriching part of my identity will still be in who I am in Christ.

I've written about this before but society often tells us that as women we haven't fully made it until someone wants us, marries us and makes us their own. Today I want to tell you that you're wanted, you're cherished and you're loved. You're loved by someone that will never leave you, never fail you and never forsake you until the end of age. God is that someone. If you're single and someone throws it in your face than dear just let me remind you that you always have God and he's not an "at least" he's more than enough.

"If you are not attaching your identity to the unshakable love of your savior, you will ask the things in your life to be your savior and it will never happen." - Paul David Tripp