I started blogging when I was a sophomore in college (circa August 2009 baby face above). It was 24 hours before my parents needed to drop me off for my second round of college life and I decide that it was a great day to start a blog.
I've always been rather emotional but that year, looking back on my blog posts and sifting through memories, I was seemingly more emotional and one could argue more in tune with my emotions than ever. I needed to get my feelings out and I think that I needed an outlet that provided me with a sense of anonymity but also the allure that someone may stumble upon it one day and read all of my not so dirty secrets.
One of the things that stands out to me the most when I read through my first blog is how often I posted. I wrote at least three times a week and I won't tell you the name of said blog or where to locate it because you'd be shocked at the things you'd find. I was so unashamed and unfiltered that I wrote about everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I wrote about people I kissed and crushes I had, I wrote about the first time I got sloppy drunk and about everything that made me cry and all the things that made me laugh. I'm laughing out loud as I type this because I'm partially embarrassed but more than anything proud of how open I was as a new blogger in my space so many moons ago.
The first post that I ever created and shared with the world was written on August 23rd, 2009. It's a short gathering of words and sentences, lacking paragraph structure and reflects the fact that I've always struggled to grasp proper grammar. Here's a snippet of what it says;
"Welcome to my mind, I promise to be honest and annoying. I swear to be true to you and share my feelings with you. I'm not sure if this will ever be read by anyone but I'll write it anyway. I'm reminded of song lyrics, I'll paraphrase, 'What if I build the house and a storm comes and knocks it down? Build it anyway.' So here I am writing anyway."
I think that back in 2009, when I sat down to write my first ever blog post, that I was on to something. I'm encouraged by the writer that I was in years passed. One that shared everything without fear or shame, one that was open about her heart and her soul and gave others the space to be open as well. One that didn't filter herself in fear that she'd be too much or too little for readers.
One that gave it all and left it all on the page not in hopes that someone would read it or share it but rather because she needed to get it all out.
I want people to read my blog. When Wednesday rolls around I don't want people to just think "Oh, it's hump day," I want them to remember that It's also blog day. I want to be retweeted and regrammed and every other type of "re" thing that I can be but more importantly, more than all of that I want to write. I want to use words and this forum to unleash my passion and unveil my heart and of course I would love for everyone I know to read it but if not I'm going to do it anyway.
So friends, build it anyway. Love anyway. Say it anyway. Give your all anyway. Because in ten years when you look back at your life so far and the efforts and strives you've made it'll be less about what people did with what you offered them and more about what you gave to the process. As I read over years and years of blog posts that I wrote in my early twenties I have no idea who read them and no way to find out. All I care about are the words and the person that I was when I wrote them and the person that I am today.
All I care about are the moments. The moments that are so well documented by younger me, moments that I can access with ease as the memories flood my mind. Moments that would have been lost had I been worried about views and shares and followers. So even if no one ever reads what I'm writing now and what I will write next week and the week after, I'll write it anyway.
"At the end of the day I'm just thankful and I hope that I can always remember where I came from so that I can always appreciate where I am." - blog entry, 1/21/2014
Xoxo - Nico